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Quantum Coyote
Chronicles of the Cake Stop
Vol VII No. 4
Soundtrack:
ZZ Top - El Loco
The creature does not have a name. Ravenbait decides to call it George. This does not impress Van Helsing, who feels that she is being entirely too familiar with him. Van Helsing is not entirely impressed by any of it. He had been intending to take 'George' back to the Vatican, where he would be 'looked after' and yet here he is, being led through some of the less savoury backwaters of this strange place they call A-Time by a woman whose place of residence is the Seventh Level of Hell and a hairy mutant with metal claws on his hands and something unsettlingly familiar about him. He fingers the crucifix in his pocket, wondering if it will be of any use against either of them should they turn hostile, and telling himself that the Holy Father would be most understanding of his dalliances with these strange people in these strange places.

"What have you got there, little crow?"

The Hollow Man materialises from a patch of shadow. He is twirling a single black flight feather in his fingers.

Ravenbait stops. She and Wolverine have been wheeling their bikes because neither Van Helsing or George have one, a problem she intends to remedy as soon as they get to Hephaestus. Her shoes are sitting on Fingal's aerobars.

"Hey there Rupe," says Logan.

"Why are you asking me questions to which you already know the answer, Hollow Man?" Ravenbait asks him coolly. "I see you still have my feather."

Van Helsing takes a few steps backwards. He knows a demon when he sees one, and can sense the presence of evil. This Hollow Man is not human. He reaches inside his jacket for the gun that Ravenbait had returned to him when he and the one called Logan had agreed to stop fighting.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, bub." Wolverine tells him. "You'll only make him madder than a hornet's nest in a heatwave."

"It's a very nice feather," the Hollow Man says, as if that is sufficient explanation, ignoring Van Helsing for the moment. "The Hierophant thought you might need a little help."

"Did he now?" Ravenbait scoffs. "Or is it just that the ABD still owe you over the Tezcatlipoca incident and you think that the League and the Sorority might help you get some payback?"

"The thought had crossed our minds," the Hollow Man says innocently. "Still. The offer's there should you decide you need it." He touches the brim of his hat. "Be seein' ya."

He melts back into the shadows.

Van Helsing immediately runs to the spot where he had vanished, searches high and low but can find no trace.

"You consort with demons?!" he exclaims, horrified.

"It ain't that simple, bub. The world ain't black an' white." Wolverine shakes his head.

"Get over yourself, Gabriel," Ravenbait tells him. "Round here we have different concepts of good and evil. I'm sure your padre can bless you all better when you get back to Rome. We can drop you off if you like."

Van Helsing stares at her, agape.

"How do you know my name? Who are you?"

Ravenbait and Logan exchange looks and set off again, pushing Fingal and Chuckles down the narrow path with the gnarled bushes growing on the steep banks either side.

"Madam, please! I insist! Do you know me? Have we met?"

"He ain't used to bein' the one playin' catch-up," Wolverine observes.

"Well he'd better get used to it. We're almost at the big H's place and if he's going to maintain those sensibilities there then he's in for a nasty shock."

"How in th' name of hell did he get here anyways?"

"He just followed George, I suppose."

"Madam!"

Van Helsing grabs Ravenbait by the arm. She spins round, one of her shoes held high and poised to smack him in the face with the cleat.

"I know all sorts of things," she says, voice deadly soft. "Including what will happen to you if you think you can take on the might of the ABD with some holy water and a couple of silver bullets. Save that for the vampires and the werewolves." She takes his hand away from her arm and turns her back on him.

"Amnesia is a real bitch, ain't it?" Logan grins around his cigar.

They move onwards to their destination.



*   *   *


"Does anyone actually know how we're going to find the Sea Org?" Kathy calls from the bow of The Black Pearl, where she is sitting with her feet dangling over the side, sea spray landing cold and refreshing on her bare legs, dressed in her best wenching outfit.

Captain Jack nods across to Jack Shandy, who is scanning the sea intently.

"It's all right, petite," Shandy says. "I will find them. After I find Westley. We shall find the Sea Org after that." He glances back over his shoulder at his captain and shakes his head. "Assuming the Capitain does not drink all the rum and deprives Mate Care-For."

Redshift is practising with the sword left to her by Elektra, the pirates having quickly cleared a space on deck when they realised she was going to do it whether they did or not. Most of the other Cake Stoppers are enjoying the sunshine after the many days of torrential rain back home. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are exploring the many nooks and crannies aboard the ship, and seem to have tracked down the ship's biscuit supply. Every so often one of them can be seen scampering across the deck with a biscuit in his mouth, running to stash it in a hiding place somewhere for later.

"Are we nearly there yet?" asks a sunburned FatBloke.

"Nearly," says Shandy.

"See that island over there?" Captain Jack points off the starboard quarter. "We'll be anchorin' there."

"There aren't any ancient Aztec temples there are there?" LamBO asks nervously. "With zombies?"

"I shouldn't have thought so," Captain Jack says. "It's not big enough."

"Why are we stopping there?" Hairyhippy asks.

"Because, my lad, that's where Westley is."

It is. They sail slowly into the small bay and the crew scurries to take in the sails and drop the anchor into the turquoise, crystal clear water. The chain rattles out of the hold as the anchor drops into the cool depths. Momentum keeps the ship going, and there are a few breathless moments while they wait to see if the anchor will catch, and then the ship stops and begins to swing round on her chain, stanchions creaking.

On the other side of the bay is a much smaller boat, of a size easily crewed by one man without recourse to automatic pilot. She bobs in the wake cast off by The Black Pearl, her white sail stowed neatly along the boom and the jib furled. Westley might shun auto-pilot but he seems to like roller-rigging. Smoke can be seen drifting up from a small fire on the beach, and then a figure emerges from behind some rocks where he had been hiding to watch their approach.

"Helloooo The Black Pearl!" he calls. "Jolly good day for it! Are you coming ashore?"

"That we are, Wes," Captain Jack calls back, ordering his men to get the longboats down. They make it onto the scrap of land without incident, leaving their bikes on the ship because the tiny island isn't really even big enough to do any riding. There is a small, rocky hill, a few palm trees, and lots and lots of sand that is hot enough to blister the feet.

"May I offer you some refreshment ladies and gentlemen?" Westley asks them. "I don't have much, I'm afraid."

"I think we're fine, thanks," Kathy says, smiling. "We had some of Jack Shandy's lovely stew."

"Jolly good show. What can I do for you?"

"We've come to help." Charlotte tells him.

"Well that's awfully decent of you but I can manage just fine, thank you very much," Westley says brightly. "Shouldn't be too much trouble. I even thought to bring my own wheelbarrow this time."

"What the lovely lady means, Wes," Captain Jack grins, "is that we've come to help ourselves. To the loot. Though we'd be delighted to aid and abet the recovery of your lovely wife."

"Oh, well, in that case it's a pleasure to have your company," Westley tells them. "Only I am afraid I have some rather bad news."

"What would that be?"

"Well, you see, Buttercup isn't on the Sea Org any more. Her ship docked at a secret base last week, and that's where I am going. So it wouldn't, strictly speaking, be an act of piracy."

Captain Jack waves his arms expansively. "Mere details, old friend, mere details. This base. Do you know where it is? Close to the sea, is it?"

"Why, yes."

"Well, then it will be close to an act of piracy and that's good enough for me."

With that settled, Westley, once the Dread Pirate Roberts and now a man seeking to retrieve his wife for the second time in his life, douses the camp fire and repairs to The Black Pearl with Shandy, Captain Jack, the League of Gentlemen Cyclists and the Intrepid Sorority. The crew of the best pirate ship ever to sail the seven seas take Westley's little sloop in tow and they head onwards to adventure.