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Index
The Cast Quantum Coyote |
| Chronicles of the Cake Stop |
| Character Biographies |
| Macleach |
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MacLeach is an unlikely superhero. The humble offspring of a London couple, his only ambition was to move from being a complete non-entity to fairly mediocre during his childhood and teenage years. Fortunately, he discovered weight training, cycling and Irn Bru in later life and combines all to deadly effect in the various adventures of the Cake Stop. Whilst MacLeach tries extremely hard to live up to the characteristics of superhero-dom — i.e. no booze, sweets, cakes, crisps, head-to-toe lycra, etc — he is haunted by his hideous alter-ego, Captain Heinekenquaffer-Fatarse. The latter is a lager loving, sausage stuffing and schwarzwalderkirschtorte snacking glutton with the reflexes of a two toed sloth and all the speed of Chuffy knowing he is late for a cycle mechanics course. The Irn Bru warrior favours the sharpened Campy chainset as his principal weapon whilst the Captain cites flatulence as being his particular favourite. Macleach likes pro-team kit, Campag, Italian steel frames, aero wheels, Irn Bru, salt and vinegar crisps and Sidi shoes. He dislikes super-lightweight anything, Mornington Crescent and Marmite. He has two steeds. White Lightning is steel framed and rumoured to have a top tube measured in furlongs. Campag equipped throughout and colour coded to match Mac's Gerolsteiner team colours the cycling tart in him is far too evident. This bike has a Mirage rear hub which once convinced a group of terrified ShimaNo equipped fellow riders that a swarm of angry hornets was following them. The new addition to the fold is El Toro, A Macleach built Spanish steel tubed speed machine with the best of Campag everything. Additionally, colour coded to match his Fassa Bortolo best team kit this is posing at its best [er... shurely worst? - Ed]. FROM THE FILES OF THE ABD Sex: Male Height: Industrial size Weight: Industrial size Eye colour: Blue Hair: 0.5 crop Race: Caucasian Distinguishing features: Resembles day-release inmate from Broadmoor, actually behaves like cuddly bunny. MEMO This individual can shelter several cyclists in his slipstream at any one time. Fiercely loyal to his fellow cakestoppers he can be depended upon to be in the thick of the action. If you see him with an Allen key and a crank extractor in his hands once off the bike then you are advised to run very quickly in the opposite direction. It has been noted that a rather large fat chink in this individuals armour exists. Any administration of Heineken 5%, doughnuts, sweets or cakes will instantly turn him into a large, overweight Teutonic couch potato. Whilst an approach without gas masks is not recommended, a decoy of a large Mr Kipling lorry may be enough to remove him from the action whilst in this weakened state.  |